In THE BEGINNING, we the general masses of moviegoers are exposed to the filthiest dregs of American cinema. It's god-awful cinema, and it revels in it. Every cliché that has ever been overcooked and overdone in horror movies is on display here. The scenario is basically the same as the 2003 version that was only saved by Jessica Biel's gorgeousness: a maniacal giant of a man runs around slaughtering a group of stupid teenagers, who we really don't care about after they've been mutilated. This time around we learn that Leatherface was actually bullied as a child after being adopted by the local freaks. Flash-forward to the late 1960s and Leatherface and his adoptive father (R. Lee Emery), who has killed the sheriffs in his own maniacal binge, have kidnapped four kids on a road trip, planning to torture and mutilate them. Sounds fun and bubbly, no?
I hate these movies. I hate the entire slasher genre, and I can't help but think of them as anything other than the worst aspect of film. The characters are throw-away level, as is the plot. The violence is repetive, boring, and ugly. It doesn't entertain me, and for anyone it does entertain, I'd say pick out some good movies to watch.
F
Dane Cook is pretty damn funny. Jessica Simpson is pretty damn attractive. That's what confused me though, because EMPOYEE OF THE MONTH isn't funny, and the brilliant minds behind it aren't even able to make The Diva look good. Everyone involved in the project is either too bored (Cook), too depressed-looking (Simpson), or too weird (Dax Shepard, Andy Dick, Harland Williams-who coincidentally seems to make every movie he's in worse) to like or care for. It's basially about two guys who work at a crappy little Wal-Mart knock-off department store, who try to get in to Jessica Simpson's pants. One is the loser who has spent his whole life being crappy at everything but is supposed to be a nice guy (Cook), the other is the arrogant prick that gets everything he wants (Shepard). They find out that Simpson likes to get down with the Employees of the Month, so they both Go For The Gold. Guess who wins. Sigh.
"Damn, they really did make her ugly!
C-
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