THE BATTLE OF ALGIERS

"Should we remain in Algeria? If you answer 'yes,' then you must accept all the necessary consequences."

Few films are as universally-themed as Gillo Pontecorvo's 1966 masterpiece THE BATTLE OF ALGIERS. While it chronicles the conflict between the French government and Algerian rebels longing for their country to be restored between 1954 and 1962, it represents the effects violence and war have on every person, as well as the natural human instinct to better one's own life.

Shot in documentary-style black and white cinematography, THE BATTLE OF ALGIERS doesn't pull any strings or go for the Hollywood Moment. Using a cast containing almost no actors with previous experience, Pontecorvo's hope for a display of true cinema vérité is pulled off without question. One of the last films of the Italian neo-realism movement, ALGIERS employs little-known or new actors to fill the roles, and the film feels as if it is a documentary at times, it's so eerily life-like.

Telling the stories of a teenager who quickly rises through the ranks of the the Algerian guerilla army's ranks, carrying out hit-and-run assassination missions, as well as various stories of women, children, and men conducting war in the streets. The film's arguments are parallel with the war in Iraq today (any war really, but it really struck a cord with me). The 'conflict', as the French government called it, stretched on from 1954 to 1962. After the French had thought they had subdued the rebels, the Algerians banded together for one final march to defiantly take back the country they believed was theres.

This makes me ask, how far should war be taken? How seriously should it be taken? Who really comes out the winner, and who how can they actually gain anything with so many deaths and such madness gone by? These are questions to ponder. It helps that THE BATTLE OF ALGIERS is a superb, surprisingly tension-filled film.

A+

I hate America

50 million people watch this shit every week.

Man-Laws

Yes, all 111 of them. Read 'em and weep, ladies.

1. No wasted beer in the name of humor.

2. It has been made official that under no circumstances should the male have to pay for birth control

3. If your best friend is dumped by a girl it is a 6 month waiting period till she can be touched. If he breaks up with her it’s a 6 day waiting period.

4. If two or more males arrived at a party by a single car, and the driving male is hooking up with a girl, it is the responsibility of the other males to find other ways home.
(The exception to this law is if the driver is hooking up with his own girlfriend, the law is then void and the driver still holds full responsibility of driving his friend’s home)

5. Short shorts have been banned… Unless in a participating in a sporting event that demands shorter shorts. Also no real man should be allowed to pop his collar.

6. Every man shall allow one empty urinal of separation in a bathroom with three or more urinals; law is void if there are dividers in between each urinal.

7. If a girl and a guy are not officially dating then it can't be considered cheating. However...if the guy cheats with a girl that is less attractive to the one he is originally interested in then he is either... A) Drunk or B) Dumbass. This then gives the original girl the right to either get mad or laugh at you.

8. No one should ever steal a man's alcohol from that man's cooler...this is the only law that suffers the penalty of death.

9. When bringing condoms to a party it is a man's responsibility to pack two in his pockets and one in his car as a spare incase a friend is in desperate need.

10. No heavy fornication in a friend's bed. Or just wash the sheets.

11. No man shall every use a rolling backpack. If you can't carry the bag then you’re not a man.

12. If another man's fly is down, you didn't see anything and may not make a comment about it.


13. When a man is borrowing a buddies tool or other equipment, if the borrower puts any scratches or brings it back with any noticeable wear, then he is required to do one of the following: If the item costs under 50 bucks, you are required to replace it. If the item costs over 50 bucks, you are required to give him a case of beer, because hey...who wants to spend more than 50 bucks on something that isn't yours.

14. When your friend picks up a hot girl...however the hot girl has an ugly friend...it is only right that you operate as a wing man doing whatever it is you got to do to help your buddy have some time alone with the hot girl. As men we are obligated to sacrifice and pay it forward for each other knowing that the favor will one day be replayed.

15. When calling shotgun, all riders of the car must be outside, and shotgun can only be called when the car is in view. Riders in the car are not allowed to run to shotgun and steal it before the person who called and deserves it arrives there. The driver of the car has no authority to decide on who gets shotgun. If a legitimate confrontation comes up where the rightful owner of the shotgun can not be determined then it will be decided by one round of paper rock scissors (with no shoot). If the two contenders tie 5 times in a row then the rightful owner of the shotgun is to be decided by a UFC cage match in which the first blood drawn decides the rightful owner of shotgun.

Addendum to Man Law No. 15:
If at any point during the process of determining the shotgun rider a hot girl hints that she would like to sit up front the driver has the sole right to declare her the shotgun rider and depending upon the situation may even deny rides to all other passengers. However, if said hot girl is an ex of any passenger they may overrule the driver's decision and make her ride in the back. Additionally, if all passengers happen to be female then revert back to original method of deciding shotgun rider substituting mud wrestling for UFC cage match. The winner then gets either a cold water hose down or shotgun the next ride unless the car is really shitty and the owner doesn’t care about muddy seats.

16. It is PAPER, ROCK, and SCISSORS with no shoot. If you must say shoot, it has to be agreed upon by both men and a witness has to be present and somewhat sober.

17. When toasting with beers you clank with the bottom.

18. You poke it you own it.

19. The head nod is an acceptable way to greet another guy when simply walking past. No words are needed to be said. An upward nod is for friends, a downward nod is for fellow men.

20. If a man is on vacation to a state that does not border his own, or any other country, it is not considered cheating if he so chooses to engage in sexual activity with a girl other than his girlfriend. Although he should be fully aware that his girlfriend may not see eye to eye if she was to ever find out.

21. A man should not masturbate more than 3 times in a day to insure being ready for any unknown or known late night action. Assisting Girls does not count… rule is in exception if male party is in a bet to set a record of number of times in a day.

22. A man shall never wear any article of women's clothing (I.E … Girls Jeans/Pants!) unless they are the loser of such a bet… or if a man is figuratively in a girls pants… (Or any other article of clothing).

23. No man in any circumstance, unless mocking a violator of this law, should pop his collar.

24. A man should never be denied the right to adjust himself or place his hands down his pants under any circumstances.

25. Being a Pirate should be considered a Manly job because pirates get two types of booty.

26. All men must eat meat. A shitload of meat. If not borderline carnivore. For no reason should a man ever be a vegetarian, or eat sick shit like tofu. Also no man should consume any food with the terms "diet", "fat free", or any other healthy suggesting terms for the sake of "watching his weight" or dieting.

27. Every man is required to learn some form of Poker before he dies.

28. If a man ever does something wrong a simple "OOPS", "My Bad", or any variations of cuss words that get the point across will suffice, no need to say "I'm Sorry"

29. No man should ever hook up with his best friend's girl, no matter how hot she is. This is in effect while they are dating or "together." If they are separated refer to Law 3 for the proper way to handle the situation. (Side Advice: Less guilt is involved if she comes on to you.

30. under no circumstance should any one man cockblock another mans attempt at getting some tang. Let’s just leave that up to the tangs fat friend. Please note that cockblocking will result in a suspension of your Man status and its privileges, and will result in the title Manbitch.

31. Every man should watch sports center at least once a day, though multiple viewings are recommended so that one can hold his own in any debate on sports that may arise that day.

32. Under no circumstances shall any man lay a hand on a female or a child in violence. Spanking of a woman's ass or pulling of the hair is permitted if done on request. Corporal punishment is permitted excluding obvious extremes. Punishment for the attacking male is that if other men see the assault taking place they having the right to take him out back behind a building and show him how to fight with real men. In this situation more than one man may be used in the attacking of said woman beater because he clearly doesn’t mind an unfair fight seeing as he was hitting a lady or a child to begin with. A call to the police is a very last resort and should only be used is said male is over 6' 5" 250lb. or an ufc cage fighter. A kick to the crotch is only called for in cases of rape. If it is merely a guy beating a woman, defenseless child, or elderly people then a legitimate beating is called for, but no shots to the crotch. If it is a case of rape however, multiple shots to the crotch are called for. The punishment must fit the crime and since rape is using that area of the body, it is ok to inflict damage to it (Cameron Ross, Nick Polyzos, Kristina Brockmann, and Drew Westerfield).

33. If a woman is present whether family or friend no man under any circumstances shall make their own food or pour their own drinks unless it is a special holiday such as, Mother's day, Birthday's, or St. Patrick's day or if the woman cannot keep up with the pace you want your drink poured. Law is void if significant grilling is involved.

34. No man shall ever watch a soap opera ever! Period! If this law is broken, it will result in the lowering of status from man to Manbitch and the questioning of the liking of opposite gendered relationships.

35. Women can't drive.

36. In the court of Man Law the statement "I was Drunk" will have the same effect as an insanity plea (reduced punishment) in standard court provided the defendant's blood alcohol level exceeds .10.

37. If any male is caught violating a Man Law in serious context, as a form of punishment he should be disowned of his manly name, only to receive the title of "Manbitch" from his peers and colleagues. Forgiveness is pending the severity of the broken law...or a case of beer to all his offended peers as a token of respect to what is manly...and what is not.

38. Any man that is old enough and is not in the army should at least support the troops, even if you don’t agree with the war they are your country men fighting to protect you and you should show them your support

39. No more crushing of empty beer cans or your forehead. Modern, thinner cans make the feat less impressive than with cans of years past.

40. If you take beer to a party the tuck rule is in play when leaving, you may take one beer max, but only if the beer will fit in your pocket.

41. Do not have a conversation at a urinal.

42. A man will not live in his parent’s house past the age of 27 unless they are ill or he is in the war.

43. All men have the right to remain silent when asked by a woman "do you like this". And the right to leave the room.

44. Sex is more important then talking

45. No man under any circumstance shall use lip balm.

46. Grilling regardless of weather is always the first choice for cooking.

47. No man shall ever own a dog smaller then a housecat

48. Men will invite other men to Man Law

49. No man shall ever turn down free beer because "it’s not their brand."

50. No man shall be shamed if they are passed out with their shoes off in your place. If the person passes out outside of the house, then they are fair game shoes or not.

51. It is acceptable for a man to publicly situate and/or scratch himself in the region of the gonads. If at a formal conference, then do so discretely. If at a football party, scratch away, just no handshakes.

52. The morning after, if a beer has been left on the table, no matter the temperature, it is acceptable to consume this item with food, such as its counterpart, cold pizza.

53. If you spill a man’s beer, you buy the next round/refill the cup.

54. Nursing a beer is unacceptable. The bottle/can/cup should never reach lukewarm temperature with beer still in it. If you can’t drink it in said time, don’t open it. If you cant drink it in said time, your man status will be up for review.

55. Always accept beer from a stranger, but only if unopened/capped.

56. It is never a man’s responsibility to empty the trash while drinking. Beer cans may be staked or crushed while the bottles may be thrown into neighbor’s lawn.

57. A man does not have to like another man to drink his beer. Beer is beer.

58. It is acceptable for a man to break man laws, if no other option is humanly possible, in the pursuit of the opposite sex. His actions will be given leeway.

59. The bachelor’s party is exclusively male. (except the entertainment).

60. No man may ever sell a beer to a friend. It’s understood that said friend will repay beer with beer later. Under no circumstance may the replacement beer be of a lesser quality.

61. A man purse is still a purse.

62. No man shall dance for fun unless it’s to increase his chances with a member of the opposite sex.

63. Body paint is only acceptable on a man if it’s on game day and to support his team.

64. No man shall bring a woman to the guy’s night out. this is punishable by verbal abuse for life.

65. If you do not sweat, it’s not a sport. (People sweat during Beer Pong.)

66. If a large snake catches a man off guard and bites, said man is allowed to scream once.

67. No man shall wear a beret unless it’s for his military service.

68. When lifting weights, it is acceptable for a man to wear compression shorts under the regular shorts. No man shall ever wear compression shorts alone.

69. No man shall ever, under and circumstance, share an umbrella with another man.

70. No two men are allowed to enter a revolving door together. Unless it involves a race were the winner receives a combination of the following: beer, food, sex.

71. The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want" gets an Xbox. End of story.

72. Keeping beer from other's by hiding it in the fridge is not permissible. Besides, sharing is caring.

73. Wives and girlfriends may not store items other than beer in the garage fridge. It is for beer only.

74. A man may publicly rebuke another man only if the first man has the man law and number memorized. Otherwise the rebuke must be in private. Furthermore, any man who has the man laws memorized will be deemed a "higher" man.

75. In no situation is it acceptable to sit cross-kneed. You either sit with feet-crossed, no cross, or stand.

76. Men are allowed to lick the plate when done but only when alone or with other men.

77. A man should be able to determine a diesel engine by sound alone.

78. While smiling, no man shall stick his tongue between his teeth.

79. It should be understood that while, yes, cheerleading is not a sport, and it is perfectly accepted to watch.

80. If a man is punched, and the hit is rubbed, he is punched again in the same area twice.

81. A man should be able to lucidly explain the rules of one or more of the following sports: Football (not the European kind), Baseball, or Ice Hockey.

82. The dressing of any pet for any reason is not acceptable...any garment that is not a part of the animal shall not be allowed to be attached to that animal...exceptions are collars, leashes, etc. exception to this rule are monkeys.

83. Under no circumstances shall any man drink wine cooler...ever...unless beer or liquor is completely unattainable. This includes anything (non liquor) fruit flavored that comes in a bottle.

84. Under no circumstances shall a man ever defer control of the television remote to a female.

85. There are three reasons for which a man is allowed to cry.
1. He is hit in the genitals with anything traveling over 10mph.
2. Your date is using her teeth.
3. Anna Kournikova gets married.

86. When watching a "catfight" it is perfectly acceptable to choose sides. It is also perfectly acceptable to pray for rippage of clothing.

87. When in a public shower, no man will look below the shoulders. Also, no eye-to-eye contact for more than one second is allowed. If eye contact occurs, nod upwards, and look away.

88. No man under any circumstances should have to explain the use of a power tool to another man.

89. Never should man give a woman the credit card. No exceptions.

90. No man should talk on a telephone to a girl longer than he will have sex with her.

91. Every man should smoke at least one premium cigar in his life. Not any swisher sweet crap either. Cohiba, Monicristo, CAO (Cade Mayo).

92. No man shall ever read an instruction manual. If the man does not know how to use the item trial and error shall be used until the correct function is determined (Eric Gartenberg).

93. No man shall be held accountable for any promise he makes while drunk unless it was a bet. (Boots Jones)

94. When questioned by a friend's girlfriend, you need not and should not provide any information as to his whereabouts. You are even permitted to deny his very existence.

95. Unless he murdered someone in your immediate family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 24 hours.

96. A best man's toast may not include any of the following phrases, "down in Tijuana", "one time when we were all piss drunk", or "and this girl had the biggest rack you ever saw".

97. You may exaggerate any anecdote told to your friends by 50% without recrimination, beyond that anyone within earshot is allowed to yell out "bullshit!" (exception: when trying to pick up a girl, the allowable exaggeration is 400%)

98. The minimum amount of time you have to wait for another man is 5 minutes. The maximum is 6 minutes. For a girl, you are required to wait 10 minutes for every point of hotness she scores on the classic 1-10 scale.

99. Bitching about the brand of free beverages in your buddy's refrigerator is forbidden. But gripe at will if the temperature is not suitable.

100. A friend must be permitted to borrow anything you own - grill, car, firstborn child - within 12 hr notice. Women or anything considered "lucky" are not applicable in this case.

101. Falling on a grenade for a buddy (agreeing to distract the skanky friend of the hot babe he's trying to score) is your legal duty. But should you get carried away with your good deed and end up getting on the beast, your pal is forbidden to ever speak of it.

102. Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to pick a Buffalo wing clean.

103. No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. (in fact, even remembering your best friend’s birthday is optional)

104. You must offer heartfelt condolences over the death of a girlfriend’s cat, even if it was you who secretly set it on fire and threw it into a ceiling fan.

105. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may always ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask whose playing. You should know such things.

106. If your girlfriend asks to set your friend up with her ugly, whiny, loser friend of hers, you must grant permission, but only if you have ample time to warn your friend to prepare his excuse about joining the priesthood.

107. When picking players for sports teams it is permissible to skip over your buddy in favor of better athletes- as long as you don’t let him be the last sorry son of a bitch standing on the sideline.

108. Never join your girlfriend in ragging on a buddy of yours... unless she is withholding sex, pending your response.

109. You can not rat out a friend who show's up to work or class with a massive hangover, however you may: hide the aspirin, smear his chair with limburger cheese, turn the brightness on his computer way down so he thinks its broken, or have him paged every seven minutes.

110. The morning after you and a babe, who was formerly "just a friend", go at it, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason not to jump on her again before there is a discussion about what a big mistake it was.

111. Everybody is Irish on St. Patricks Day. And as such said people must consume alcohol on St. Patricks Day. Green and/ or gold body paint may be worn, but no glitter.

Got My Vans On But They Look Like Sneakers

Finished the play on Sunday. It went pretty perfectly, if I do say so myself. We tore the set down afterward, and I ripped my pants (random). To get a little deeper into it, I love the play. Always have, even during M*A*S*H, which was probably the worst script I'll ever encounter in my life. It's going to be tough losing this years seniors, not only because of their talent (now that will really devastate the program), but because of their personalities. Zach is the diva. Nolan is the funniest kid I know who isn't an asshole (Kyle, I'm looking directly at your Socialist ass). Ryan is the man all around. Trev really grew on me during this show, bouncing back from being kicked off the cast to delivering a helluva performance, and being an all-around awesome guy. Emily's like a brother (I hope she sees the humor in that). Megan and Anetta are lesbians. What kid of guy doesn't love hot lesbians?

I'll miss them, that's what I'm trying to say. If I can be so humble, I gave a hell of a performance. Shit, I gave two great performances, with the roles I was given. This may be a double-edged sword, though, because there is an excellent chance I'll land the lead in the straight drama next year (I'll have to work on my singing to get musical lead, but it's not much of a stretch). That'll mean I will have to lead a pack of mostly inexperienced actors in a situation with no one to look to. Kind of scary.

Speaking of next year's place, Cosco, Chris, Kyle, and I have been talking about what it might be. I think GLENGARRY GLEN ROSS would be excellent, although we would have to axe the 138 f-bombs they use. It would be such a difficult play to pull off, just because of the dialogue and lengthy scenes (it would even be hard for an experienced cast, which we won't have). I watched the film again, which happened to be on IFC, and it grew on me. I saw it once, probably a year and a half ago, and I wasn't crazy about it. Not a bad movie, but didn't blow my skirt up. It did this time around, though. Maybe it's because I've seen a lot of movies, read a lot about them, and been in two dialogue-driven plays since the last time I saw it, but I appreciated the absolutely exceptional script and delivery of dialogue the movie had. Al Pacino, Jack Lemmon, Alan Arkin, Ed Harris, (a young) Kevin Spacey, and a fire-cracking, jaw-droppingly awesome Alec Baldwin all give exceptional performances as guys trying to get by in the real estate world. The film contains many long takes, letting the characters go at one another back and forth, back and forth, and it fucking works. God must have hit the snooze button by letting only Al Pacino get nominated for an Oscar for this, considering he only gave the third best performance of the movie. Jack Lemmon, whose Shelly "The Machine" Levine is a salesman too old for the job who can't keep up with the times, is astounding. His performance radiated tragedy, from his ooey-gooey, futile sales pitches on the phone to breaking down in a phone booth from hearing he can't keep his daughter in school, to his final scene. All the while, the direction stays restrained, not giving into the cliches or soap opera bullshit. The tension piles up, and it keeps getting better.

And can I applaud Alec Baldwin, please? The guy was on-screen for seven minutes and stole the whole show. His monologue, a venting of hate and bravura to an office full of men who quickly wilt in to schoolgirls, is one of the greatest supporting performances I've ever seen. The guy has made a career of giving great side performances, from the oblivious (but smart enough to not get killed) captain in THE DEPARTED, his seething asshole Juan Trippe in THE AVIATOR, and his role in 30 ROCK, which he actually won the Leading Actor Emmy for. Watch the clip on YouTube, and try not to want to rent the movie. It's just so fucking awesome.

"First price is a new Cadillac El Doraldo. Anyone want to see second prize? Second prize is a box of steak knives. Third prize is you're fired."

I've been joining Facebook groups like crazy. I love it.

That's all for now.
*I've started titling non-review posts as lyrics from songs, if anyone is still asking "WTF?!".

What's Your Fantasy

**Written for the School Paper**

Major League Baseball's regular season is right around the corner, and the next best thing to playing the game is playing fantasy ball. If you're new to the program, you join a league (either public or one you establish with a group of friends) on any of the several major sports networks' websites (ESPN, Yahoo!, Fox, and MSN all have a fantasy sports program), draft players from the majors, and track their progress through the season. Individual stats are compiled, and they're the only thing that matters. The challenge is to sustain a team throughout an entire summer, constantly trying to better the team without being able to turn it into an All-Star team. Whoever's team boasts the best stats at the end of the season, wins. And now, I offer my usually expensive and exclusive professional advice to you, the readers of LReflection, for free. Enjoy.

The ten best picks:

10. Francisco Rodriguez (Angels)- It's tough to pick a reliever here, since they'll hardly ever tack on any wins for you. This guy is the real deal, though. A 25-year-old with a fastball that occasionally hits 98 MPH, "K-Rod" is the best reliever since Mariano Rivera appeared on the scene in 1997 and lead the Yankees to three World Series wins as closer, and the 2000 World Series MVP. Rodriguez posted a Cy Young-caliber season last year, leading the league with 47 saves and a stingy 1.73 ERA. With one of the best bullpens in the league supporting him, look for his dominance to continue.

09. Andruw Jones (Braves)- The best Brave slugger since Hank Aaron, Andruw Jones is now thirty years old and coming into his prime as a hitter, not only a Golden Glove-winning Center fielder (although that doesn't hurt). Last year he hit 41 home runs and drove in 129, good enough to crack the top five in both categories in the National League. He is in the final year of his contract now, which along with the Braves not winning the division for the first time in over a decade, which should provide a lot of motivation for his stats to get even better.

08. Jose Reyes (Mets)- Reyes is one of the most exciting players in the game, a force who lead the Mets to their first National League Championship Series in six years last year, hitting .300, stealing a league-leading 64 bases, and scoring 122 runs. He is one of the best catalysts in the league, able to make things happen with his speed and scrapiness. His play on the defensive side of the ball is exceptional as well, and at 23 years old, he will only get better (you can count on 75 steals and a Golden Glove, I'm calling it).Money.

07. Alfonso Soriano (Cubs)- Already on his fourth team at the ripe age of 30, Soriano recently inked a deal with Chicago for eight years, granting him $136 million. If that's not enough motivation for him to excel, I don't know what is. An amazing natural hitter, he belted 46 home runs last year, stole 41 bases, and 95 RBIs, all in the leadoff spot. Expected to hit in either the 3rd, 4th, or 5th spot in a potent Cubs line-up, look for him and teammate Derrek Lee to both hit 40 homers in the friendly confines of Wrigley Field and rake in at least 125 RBIs. Another 40-40 season isn't out of the question.

06. Joe Mauer (Twins)- Debate has raged over whether or not Joe Mauer will become the greatest catcher to ever play Major League Baseball. While time will tell on that, one thing is for sure, this guy can hit. The first catcher to ever lead the American League in hitting, 24-year-old Mauer batted .347 last year as the lead-off hitter for the division-winning Twins. Looks for things to get even better this year.

05. Alex Rodriguez (Yankees)- If you look at A-Rod's stats as if he is the highest-paid player in the Majors, his .290 batting average, 35 home runs, 121 RBIs, and 113 runs last season were disappointing. If you look at him without judgment, the guy had an incredible season last year in the face of adversity everywhere. He has stayed the course, though, and is motivated to up his game to the MVP-caliber game he played in his three years in Texas (where he averaged a .306 batting average, 52 home runs, and 132 RBIs). Hate him or not, he is still at the heart of the best lineup in baseball. Even if it may be considered a disappointment, expect 45 homers, 130 RBIs, and a .300 average.

04. Manny Ramirez (Red Sox)- Where most may go to draft David Ortiz at the first chance they get, I'd go with Ramirez. While I like Ortiz, I'm not entirely sold on him, mostly because of the injuries he suffered last year. While I'm not Manny's biggest fan, I can't deny how great, and consistent, a hitter he has proved to be. He hits for 35 home runs every year without breaking a sweat, drives in 120 runs in a full season (he still cracked 100 last year despite missing 30 games), and almost always hits over .300. He also gets on base more than Ortiz, boasts a slugging percentage nearly as good, and his play in left field is underrated.Asshat.

03. Ryan Howard (Phillies)- If you're not able to nab Albert Pujols, go with the guy who actually beat him out for the 2006 National League MVP. He lead the Bigs with 58 home runs and 149 RBIs, and still hit .313! Big guys aren't supposed to hit that well. He's also only 27 years old, and is still developing as a hitter. Howard is a diamond in the rough.

02. Johan Santana (Twins)- The best pitcher in the game right now, you'd be nuts to pass up an opportunity to grab Santana. The reigning Cy Young winner, the Twins ace lead the majors in wins (19), ERA (2.77), and strike-outs (245), and has asserted himself as the most dominant pitcher in the game, boasting three seasons with at least 16 wins, 238 strikeouts, 225 innings, and a sub-3 ERA. Look for him to eat up innings and start more games than usual due to a short-handed Minnesota pitching staff. Don't be surprised if he wins another Cy Young, either.

01. Albert Pujols (Cardinals)- The only player in the majors to land in the top five in batting average, home runs, and RBIs, Pujols solidified his place as the best hitter in the game. Still only a baby at 27 years old, Pujols is still developing as a player (I'm sensing a theme to this list--young is good), and boasts the most consistently great resume of this decade. Having hit at least forty home runs for the past four years, a winner of the MVP and Rookie of the Year trophies, and with two appearances in the World Series, Pujols has exceptional experience and credentials for a player who hasn't yet hit his prime. Is 50 home runs a possibility? Yes. 150 RBIs? With the lineup the Cardinals have, yes. A .350 batting average? You bet. He's a safe call.Not as much of a sped as this picture would indicate.

Update

A FUNNY THING HAPPENED ON THE WAY TO THE FORUM: Night two--We pwned.

If I Don't Get Some Shelter

It seems there a bit of significant news to report. Jonathon Nolan, the writer behind brother Christopher Nolan's mini-masterpieces MEMENTO and THE PRESTIGE has reportedly been asked to write the script for a rumored Steven Spielberg future project called INTERSTELLAR. While the film isn't even in pre-production yet, it will supposedly be an epic about the infinite possibilities that wormholes and time & space travel could offer. When I first heard about the project, I thought, 'hey, Spielberg knows how to use a camera, this could work', even though it is a 2001-sized project in terms of plausible scope. It probably won't be as narratively detached as The Ultimate Sci-Fi Film, more along concretely structured along the lines of ET or CLOSE ENCOUNTERS. Expect it to be an event, though. With Spielberg and Nolan on board, I think this could be brain-bogglingly fantastic (a la THE FOUNTAIN).

The thing is, though, don't hold your breath over the project. No one has signed a contract for it, and Spielberg already has his hands full with his LINCOLN biopic, supposedly starring Liam Neeson and which I'm interested in, and INDY 4, starring Cate Blachett as the only woman/major cast member under sixty (Ford, Connery, and Clint Freakin' Eastwood are on board for this two-hour long, adrenaline-fueled Bengay commercial), which I'm more than a little bit skeptical about. I can wait though.

In case you live under a rock, 300 opened with the largest spring Opening Weekend in history, grossing $70,000,000 and it has doubled that since then--and it deserves every penny.

A FUNNY THING HAPPENED ON THE WAY TO THE FORUM opened last night, and we killed. I dropped a line, but it happens. That aside, the show couldn't have realistically gone better. Still got four more to go, though, and one of the actors is sick, which could prove to be nauseating. Come see me tonight at 7, tomorrow at 2 or 7, and Sunday at 2.

Aces.

Leo and Kate are getting back together for REVOLUTIONARY ROAD, a drama about 'a couple in the 1950s who struggle between their own desires and the conformity of society', which will be coming out probably next November, I'm guessing. Sam Mendes, auteur behind AMERICAN BEAUTY, ROAD TO PERDITION, and JARHEAD, and husband of Winslet (who knew?) will be at the wheel, which makes me happy. His films are so dark and beautiful. Except JARHEAD, which was a bunch of sand and guys without shirts. Even still, I love his work. And I'm gay for Leo DiCaprio (Billy Costigan is the best tragic hero in film since Jake LaMotta). And that scene in TITANIC was the first one to ever get me hot in the pants (plus, Winslet deserved an Oscar for her work in LITTLE CHILDREN). Sounds like love to me.

Dream.

Greatest of My Generation

Since I haven't been able to watch so many movies lately, I've been thinking more about the ones I have seen. Here's a rough list of the best and worst of my generation...

The Worst
10. Adam Sandler (Click, Little Nicky, Big Daddy, Bulletproof, The Waterboy)
09. Half Past Dead
08. Batman & Robin
07. The One
06. Cube Zero
05. Baby Geniuses
04. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre
03. Hulk
02. Lemony Snicket's a Series of Unfortunate Events
01. Battlefield Earth

The Best
20. The Usual Suspects
19. Brokeback Mountain
18. American Beauty
17. Saving Private Ryan
16. Good Will Hunting
15. Forrest Gump
14. The Truman Show
13. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
12. King Kong
11. The Incredibles
10. Mulholland Dr.
09. Children of Men
08. Heat
07. The Thin Red Line
06. The Shawshank Redemption
05. City of God
04. Pulp Fiction
03. The Departed
02. Fight Club
01. The Lord of the Rings

I'm thinking I'm going to make an All-Time Best list over the summer, with sexy pictures and (hopefully) interesting read-ups. I also kind of feel that this list is too mainstream, and that I haven't dabbled in fringe and art-house film enough. I'm not saying I want my movie persona to be defined as a wannabe art-snob, but I'd like to add more depth to my docket. Don't hold your breath though.

Been Busy

The past two weeks or so have gone by too fast. I'm pretty sentimental, and I enjoy sitting back and smelling the roses once in a while. If I can slander my own environment though, the roses haven't bloomed as well as they could have.

The play this year is A FUNNY THING HAPPENED ON THE WAY TO THE FORUM, and it's pretty hysterical. The music isn't incredible (BEAUTY AND THE BEAST definitely takes it, maybe even FOOTLOOSE too), but the script is. It's witty, fast, and stomach-hurtingly funny. If I can be so modest, I'm doing a pretty damn fine job in my two roles. It causes headaches and makes me swear a lot though when other people don't know what they are doing. I'm not going to name any names, but I think a few people were wrongly cast, giving important, difficult roles without much acting experience. Fuckin' aye. The show will be good though, I'm completely confident in that. March 22-25, 7 PM Th-Sat, 2 PM Matinees Saturday and Sunday. Be there or be dead.

I've watched depressingly few movies during the past couple weeks because of the play, among other things. 300 was a must, and ZODIAC and MUSIC & LYRICS were very nice as well. My TV has been pretty lonely though, with 24, LOST, THE BLACK DONNELLYS, and THE RICHES pilot on the TiVo. I've also been talking about more long-term stuff with my uncle, who is an agent in Hollywood and on Broadway, and I've got a tentative agreement to start a Film Theory 101 independent study next year with a teacher at the school, who seems like a nice guy. Oy. I feel like I've been talking (and reading) about movies too much any not watching them. Don't you sympathize for me?

I'm tired. Thoroughly tired. I haven't slept a whole night without waking up in about a month. I'm running on five hours of sleep and a bowl of Honey Bunches of Oats right now. I feel even more tired when I sit next to Alyssa, who talks at about 500 mph. And now I feel like a fucking drama queen. Good job Tim, way to show your diary to everyone.

Oy.

I like it

My horoscope for Today

Taurus April 20 - May 20

A march intended to raise awareness of breast cancer will, after a disastrous turn, raise awareness of drunk driving instead.

I feel enlightened.

I had a dream last night...

I woke up and Jack Nicholson was standing over me. He said "let's go". Then we egged cars until Marlon Brando told us to stop.

Then I really woke up.

And...

So I probably shouldn't have done this, since I knew it wouldn't work, but at the last second I hopped on the bandwagon to see 300 again, Saturday night. Out of the eight of us that went to see it, Kyle and I were the only ones too young to get in, so instead we saw MUSIC & LYRICS. Basically the other end of the Man Spectrum, especially considering it was a chick flick that another guy and I saw, and he actually had women's clothing in his possession (it's a long story, involving stripping).

And yeah, it was a pretty frikkin' sweet movie. Hugh Grant is one charming motherfucker. B

300

**Written for my school paper**

“This. Is. SPARTUHHHHHHHHH!”

On the one hand, director Zack Snyder's newest film, 300, is the most mind-bogglingly awesome thing basically ever made. On the other hand, it's a terrific film, a visually arresting work of art. How does one approach a movie like this?

Ever since the trailer debuted for this film last summer, attached to SUPERMAN RETURNS, the buzz has been huge. If this was anything like graphic novelist Frank Miller's first film adaptation, 2005's SIN CITY, we were in for a hell of a good time at the movies, filled with blood, stylized action, and gaudy visuals. If the trailers were any indication, 300 would also be filled with warrior characters who YELLED. ALL. OF. THEIR. LINES. LIKE. THIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIS. All signs pointed to 300 being a pretty awesome movie.

The buzz has paid off. Nearly $71 million worth of tickets were sold over opening weekend, and those lucky customers got to witness the first 'event movie' of 2007. After mediocrity like WILD HOGS, NORBIT, and GHOST RIDER has dominated the first two months of the box office, people poured into a movie that stood out in the crowd: a film of such artistic purity and adapted so closely to its source (which is a terrific book, by the way), and so much unfiltered, bloody, and stylized butt-kicking, it had to be seen to be believed.

The film chronicles the account of King Leonidas, leader of the Greek city-state of Sparta, who led 300 of his soldiers to battle against the invading army—1 million strong, the legend goes— of Persian King Xerxes. They were 300 men who made a final stand, perhaps THE final stand, against this extraordinary army, taking down more than 25,000 of them (that's 80 Persians for every Spartan, if you're counting), and were defeated only after being betrayed by a rat. The Battle of Thermopylae is one of the greatest war stories in history, and visionists Frank Miller and Zack Snyder have made a film that is just about as awesome. Similar to SIN CITY, the movie was filmed entirely on a green screen, producing eye-popping visuals, mostly sandy tones of tan with the intense red of blood.

As King Leonidas, Gerard Butler gives a frighteningly intense performance. Butler spent eight months getting into character, most notably chiseling a six-pack and growing the most awesome beard ever. As Leonidas, Butler gives a strong, surprisingly complex performance for such a thinly written part. He wonders whether or not sacrificing 300 men is worth anything, even though Spartan law has always said that 'death on the battlefield is the most glorious thing a man can ever achieve'. He leads his men with pride, fearlessness, and ferocity. The battle scenes reflect this, and although there are many throughout the film, they do not get repetitive or boring for a second. This is a compliment to Snyder, who gives this film such an amazing look.

If you see any movie this spring, make it 300. Because seriously, this is pretty much the greatest thing since the invention of life.

Best Movie Ever

300 is the Greatest Thing Since the Invention of Life

And you shouldn't be surprised.

ZODIAC

"I like killing people because man is the most dangerous animal of all."

If asked who my five favorite directors were, I would probably throw David Fincher's name on the list, even though he has only made a handful of films. Why? He has made two of my absolute most favorite films, in SE7EN and FIGHT CLUB (I consider the latter to be the best movie of the 1990s). ZODIAC, his newest film, is sort of a mix of the dead-serious tone of SE7EN and the playful, anarchist tone of FIGHT CLUB. While it isn't as good as either of the aforementioned duo, it's a terrific film on its own.

Chronicling the on-again, off-again serial killer's (who called himself Zodiac) reign over the greater San Francisco area from the 1970s to the early 1980s, Fincher's film is possibly the most epic, ambitious crime procedural ever. Forget the carnage and violent pornography shows such as CSI display every week, ZODIAC shows the long-lasting effects of the murders, not the bloody details of them. Especially involved in the case is San Francisco Chronicle cartoonist Robert Graysmith (Jake Gyllenhaal), SFPD Inspectors David Toschi and William Armstrong (Mark Ruffalo and Anthony Edwards), and San Francisco Chronicle staff writer Paul Avery (Robert Downey Jr.). Over the course of more than a decade, the world changes around them, but their lives becomes more and more devoted to the Zodiac killings. Gyllenhaal is the stand-out in the cast, the character who really takes over the third act of the film. He played Robert Graysmith as an eccentric, lovable loser of a guy, who is constantly ridiculed, and even badgered, over his involvement in the case. Gyllenhaal plays him with a lot of life, and brilliantly shows the futility Graysmith feels as the Zodiac killer becomes less and less a public story, but the dominating force in his own life.

As he has shown with SE7EN and FIGHT CLUB, and now ZODIAC, Fincher knows how to create atmospheres in which violence and crime corrupts and consumes people. As Paul Avery succumbs to alcoholism and the cops practically begin beating themselves over the head, knowing who the killer is in their gut but not being able to prove it, the film takes on a subtley dark tone. Cinematographer Harris Savides knows that less is more (he is the auteur behind ELEPHANT), and his washed-out look of the 70s is authentic, sprawling, and the attention to detail is obvious. As the film progresses further and further into the psyches of its main characters, the film's look becomes darker and darker, but you have to pay attention to notice.

If ZODIAC has any fault, it is that it's twenty minutes too long. There may be a point to the enormous runtime (about 170 minutes), as the Zodiac file was open from 1974 to 2004, but the film could use some judicious editing. Some middle stretches are unneeded, neither deepening character arcs or showing anything new. This is an ambitious film though, covering an entire decade (how many CSI episodes can claim that?) and telling a terrific story filled with authentic characters who actually have arcs and the audience feels for. It's also David Fincher's best film since, well, FIGHT CLUB.

A-

The Best of 2006, Pt IV

05. Bryan Singer's SUPERMAN RETURNS
I don't know how Bryan Singer did it. Even if you disliked the film, you have to hand it to Singer. He took what is maybe the biggest project in film history, and, in my opinion, hit the ball out of the park. This is head and shoulders above the original SUPERMAN, which I believe is a good movie but no masterpiece. This is. Brandon Routh is great as the hero who comes back to a different Earth than the one he left five years ago. Though the people on Earth (most inconveniently Lois Lane) don't necessarily want Superman, they need him. SUPERMAN RETURNS is brilliant entertainment. It presents The Man in the Tights as a deeper, more emotionally hardened man than he has ever been on film, and as much as I hate the phrase, it really is a 'wonder to behold'.

04. Darren Aronofsky's THE FOUNTAIN
Look, you either loved THE FOUNTAIN, or you hated it. It was either miraculous or pretentious. I wrote in my review of THE FOUNTAIN that this was the closest I had to a religious experience in a theater this year. This is still true. While flawed in certain areas, most notably in its editing and middle ‘plot line’, Aronofsky has crafted a masterpiece. Dave White wrote “it brings the crazy”, and that’s for damn sure. As the three story lines come together in an orgasmic final twenty minutes, I realized how breathtaking it all was. The two stars, Hugh Jackman and Rachel Weisz, give powerfully emotional performances, especially Jackman, who has never been better, and the transcendent love story is beautifully told across 1,000 years. The score, set designs, and camera work are all topnotch, and when it hits you, THE FOUNTAIN hits you as hard as any movie this year.

03. Paul Greengrass's UNITED 93

The most soberingly affecting movie of the year doesn’t exploit the tragedy of 9/11 or try to artificially pull at our heartstrings. It is a masterpiece of cinema vérité, with talented director Paul Greengrass opting for the most natural, true-to-life feel possible. First-time actors and some of the people who actually lived through the Day of Hell are used to authentically re-create the ‘flight that fought back” and the FAA crew on the ground who witnessed it all in horror. Greengrass knows he doesn’t need any soap opera bullshit or contrived, cliché-driven characters to tell his story. All the emotion we need for the movie has been permanently burned into our memories. It takes rare skill to re-create the worst day of many people’s lives accurately, and it’s even rarer to get a movie as affecting as UNITED 93.

And the true-blue masterpieces that I believe are going to last the longest with me...

02. Alfonso Cuarón's CHILDREN OF MEN

A blistering masterpiece. I don't cry at movies, but this is about as close as I've ever come to crying. I'm not usually left with my mouth completely open, eyes wide, and hands sore from clutching the arms of my chair, but several sequences in CHILDREN OF MEN did it to me. It boasts the single best scene of the year, maybe the last decade, which features an astonishingly, almost impossibly long take spanning over seven minutes without a single edit. The movie was virtually shut out at the Oscars (other than Cinematography, which it will easily grab, and a pair of technical nods), but it deserved a lot more publicity (NORBIT topped it's entire American gross within three days) than it got. Director Alfonso Cuarón and D.P. Emmanuel Lubezki have created the most sweeping, haunting future world in the history of film, in my opinion, in which the world has gone to shit in the wake of women being infertile for eighteen years. England is the only country that has 'soldiered on', but Clive Owen's Theo says 'who cares?' His character is deep and turns out to have one of the most affecting character arcs in recent memory by the end of the film, as he goes from loser to savior as he transports the world's first pregnant women in nearly two decades (played beautifully by Claire-Hope Ashitey, who was completely shut out, awards-wise in my opinion) to safety. A godsend of a film.

01. Martin Scorsese's THE DEPARTED
Several adjectives could describe THE DEPARTED. Dark. Brooding. Hilarious. Heartfelt. Emotional. Powerful. Awesome. Genius. Artistic culmination. Intense. Extraordinarily-acted. Extra-ordinarily directed. Extraordinarily-written (it's pretty damn extraordinary). Maybe the best word is simple, 'perfect'.

Unquestionably the best film of 2006. I’ve seen it four times in theater, and I would just as soon see it four more times. It is also director Martin Scorsese’s best film in my opinion. A blistering, riveting, darkly hilarious masterwork, THE DEPARTED is a great tale of megalomanicality about cops and gangsters in Boston. Jack Nicholson is the loose cannon crime boss, with his fingers deep into everything that goes on in the town. Leo DiCaprio and Matt Damon play two sides of the same coin as a cop who infiltrates Nicholson’s crime syndicate and a gangster who infiltrates the cops. This is the best and most emotionally challenging work of DiCaprio and Damon’s careers, and Nicholson has a lot of fun in one of his deepest, most twisted performances in his illustrious career, as the crime boss who has everything but still wants more, no matter what the cost. Mark Wahlberg, Vera Farminga, Martin Sheen, and Alec Baldwin are all solid as well in the film that deserves to end Martin Scorsese’s thirty-five year quest for those elusive Best Director and Best Picture Oscars.

PS- I did all the pics for the list. Feel free to oggle/comment/praise.

SUPERMAN

"Look, up in the sky! It's a bird! It's a plane! It's Superman!"

SUPERMAN isn't really a great movie. It is solid, entertaining, and moving, but it is almost thirty years old, and it shows. I appreciate it for its revolutionary special effects and how it broke ground among comic book film adaptations. That being said though, this is hardly the best superhero film ever made.

What makes SUPERMAN still easy to relate with thirty years after the film's release and almost seventy since the first comic, is the ideals of Superman. He is the ultimate hero, weakened by neither greed, nor ambition, nor evil, but a non-human element (it starts with a 'k', people). He stands for 'truth, justice, and the American way', glorious symbols that hold up no matter what the current climate in the world is. Christopher Reeves reflects the thought process of maybe the greatest superhero, in a performance that transcends Superman's ideals.

Matching Reeves eye-to-eye is Gene Hackman as Lex Luthor. He brings camp, intelligence and subdued energy to a role that requires all of these elements. Margot Kidder is Lois Lane, the sassy journalist Superman and Clark Kent fall for. Jor-El, Superman's father, is played famously and elegantly by Marlon Brando, in one of the most expensive (something to the tune of $225,000 per minute of screen time) supporting roles ever. All of the performances deliver what is needed from the characters.

This is a superbly entertaining film. It is certainly flawed, and the special effects that held audiences in awe back in the days of the late 1970s haven't held up as well as those of 1977's STAR WARS (which is an almost infinitely better film, in my opinion), and the plot really goes off the rails by the end (mostly Luthor's plot to destroy the world), but these are easy faults to forgive. With so many superhero films these days searching to de-mystify and darken the identify of their characters, it is refreshing to see a classic film, the one that started them all, glorifying its hero.

B+

The Best of 2006, Pt III

10. Robert De Niro's THE GOOD SHEPHERD

I loved THE GOOD SHEPHERD, maybe because it's exactly how I like my coffee and my women: cold and bitter. It's slow, dark, and extremely calculating in how it unfolds, and all of this is done by sophomore director Bobby D's more-experienced-than-you'd-think hand. Matt Damon is better here than he has ever been, and his shelf of terrific performances is quickly growing, with impressive turns in GOOD WILL HUNTING, THE DEPARTED, GERRY, and THE TALENTED MR. RIPLEY all under his belt. Why he didn't get more acclaim for this gritty, implosive piece of acting is beyond me. As his morals quickly deteriorate and the line separating right and wrong becomes increasingly blurred, he can only look on in horror as his family and what he believes to be friends' lives are all turned inside out. I know they're really apples and oranges, but you can see how THE GODFATHER PART II influenced De Niro while he was making this, as the story unfolds slowly and beautifully. And dare I say, this is the better film? Just my opinion.

09. Richard Linklater's A SCANNER DARKLY Total total total total total total providence. A trippy, transcendent trip down the rabbit hole of drugs and addiction in the not-so-distant world of Los Angeles. Keanu Reeves and Robert Downey Jr. give their best performances to date as a couple of strung-out addicts who bum around all day, all the while addicted to Substance D, which over 20% of America is hooked on. Reeves is Bob Arctor, an undercover cop who succumbs to the evil he is trying to rid the street of while maybe, or maybe not, falling in love with the dealer (an underused Winona Ryder) he is infiltrating. A sense of melancholia permeates throughout the film, and though I had to watch the last twenty minutes or so twice, it really hits home when you figure it out. It's a kind of rotoscopic tragedy in a way. If you liked this, I really recommend director Richard Linklater's 2001 film WAKING LIFE, which also featured the animated technique. "Mind-blowing stuff".

08. Todd Field's LITTLE CHILDREN It's funny. It's intense. It's dramatic. It's erotic. It's gleeful. It has two Oscar-nominated performances (and out of the bunch they're in, Winslet and Haley both deserve to win), and the script earned an Oscar nod (which it deserved). Why isn't everyone talking about LITTLE CHILDREN? It's better than Todd Field's IN THE BEDROOM, which was a damn fine film itself; deeper and more watchable. Kate Winslet and Patrick Wilson are two bored housewives who begin an adulterous affair, finding a long-eluding pulse in their lives that opens their hearts to opportunities they thought they would never again feel once confined in the prison of marriage. Just across the neighborhood, though, is Jackie Earle Haley's former child-molester, who just wants to make peace with his demons. The tension rises with every minute as more is at stake for the characters. The thing is though, we don't know more is at stake for them. Only at the end does everything resolve. That's the sign of a good director: an audience being completely under a spell by the unfolding story.

07. Michael Mann's MIAMI VICE
God, I love the backstory. No one was happy with Michael Mann during MIAMI VICE's production. He travelled across continents, into dangerous locales, and used the campy 80s show title and his artistic clout to make his movie. It's not an action movie, though there is action. It's a character study, and a meditation on how the constant grind of life on the edge affects two cops, Rico Tubbs (Jamie Foxx-the coolest cat in Hollywood) and Sonny Crockett (Colin Farrel). It's a $180-million drama, and the final product wasn't what executives (or many critics or audiences, apparently) wanted or expected. This isn't the 80s show, it's a whole nother monster. When you can read between its lines and see the underlying messages and the character interaction (it's there, I promise), MIAMI VICE is a fantastic film.

06. Larry Charles's BORAT! CULTURAL LEARNINGS OF AMERICA FOR MAKE BENEFIT GLORIOUS NATION OF KAZAKHSTAN You have no heard of BORAT moviefilm? Your vagine must hand like sleeve of wizard, like my wife, who 15 years. It funny. Raunchy. BORAT is very nice. Now go fucking see it.

The Best Of 2006, Pt II

15. Robert Altman's A PRAIRIE HOME COMPANION Ah, Robert Altman. You were a brilliant artist. You once said "in movies there is no end other than death. A movie can end with a wedding, but what it doesn't show is the divorce, than brutal murder of the unfaithful husband by the jealous ex-wife two months later. The only end is death." He satirized that in THE PLAYER, and he said it solemnly (but still teaming with life) in NASHVILLE. A PRAIRIE HOME COMPANION was his final film, based on the radio show that I've grown up listening to every Saturday night. Of course, like most Altman films, it isn't really about the synopsis, but about something deeper and more common among us all. As the radio show "A Prairie Home Companion" is about to play its final broadcast, the crew reflects about the good times and the bad, life, and death. Altman was always an actor's director, and the cast is pretty impressive here: Woody Harrelson, John C. Reilly, Tommy Lee Jones, Kevin Kline, Virginia Madsen, Meryl Streep, Lindsay Lohan (not a dumb teenager or a slut, but a real solid character!), Maya Rudolph, and Altman's favorite actor to work with: Lily Tomlin. A gem of a film.

14. Rian Johnson's BRICK
A brilliant noir film. I don't even like noir in general (Humphrey Bogart, James Cagney, etc. etc.), so this is really my favorite noir film when I think about it. I remember when Joseph Gordon-Leavitt was just a little kid alongside Danny Glover in ANGELS IN THE OUTFIELD (which was the first live-action movie I ever saw in theaters, when I was four years old). He's a man now. This thing is white-hot, a script that seemed to drop from heaven right into rookie director Rian Johnson's lap. It's just so fucking cool. From the hard-boiled lines to the playful ones, BRICK knows how to take itself seriously but not too seriously, and somehow ends up not being a complete parody of itself, which it could have been without changing a single word in the script. And yes, the Vice Principal is SHAFT. "Cool" is the only word for this film.

13. John Lasseter's CARS Blah blah blah this is Pixar's weakest story and their worst movie so far. Haters be damned. Any movie that has Larry the Cable Guy that isn't the film equivalence of an abortion is pretty much a mini-masterpiece to start out with. I saw this one twice in theaters (once at the drive-thru, hey hey), and I loved it. It starts out cheesy, but man, once it gets going it really doesn't stop. Not as fast-paced as THE INCREDIBLES, and it doesn't have the memorable characters that the TOY STORY films have, but if this was the first CGI film, it would be considered as landmark and as brilliant a film as TOY STORY is today. And yeah, it's purty.

12. Christopher Nolan's THE PRESTIGE
I've got to say that I was skeptical going into this. The trailer didn't blow me away, and it looked like a transition project for Chris Nolan and Christian Bale between they're BATMAN films. The final package was something else though, an intricately written and well-acted film that ensnared me. We all know the story: Batman and Wolverine are actually dueling magicians in turn of the (19th) century London, whose partnership turns to rivalry, which turns to maniacal, homicidal lunacy. The twist wasn't completely shocking, but it was still a riveting journey into a dark realm of the human heart that everyone has. Nolan is four-for-four, if you're counting.

11. The Hippy Couples' LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE
The little indy hit that could, LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE's cuteness factor is pretty undeniable. Although I'm glad it didn't win Best Picture over another movie I enjoyed a bit (it's a crime flick that will show up later on the list), it deserved its nomination. The script was reportedly bought for over $8 million, and I can see why. As good as the performances were (Alan Arkin got an Oscar and he was only the third best male in the movie, in my opinion), these parts were all written well and fully fleshed out. Abigail Breslin is especially good as the innocence; the glue that keeps the family somewhat sane as a road trip to the Little Miss Sunshine Pageant quickly turns into something of a trip down the rabbit hole, and a metaphor for the American obsession for self-improvement and never reflecting on all you have.