Do It or Screw It, September 15th-17th

It's been a while since I did one of these. Get ready.

Brian De Palma (the director of SCARFACE and THE UNTOUCHABLES) knows crime. As does Josh Hartnett in my opinion (LUCKY NUMBER SLEVIN, SIN CITY), even for all the shit he gets. Add those two with a story like THE BLACK DAHLIA, and you've got quite a concept. They weren't lieing in the trailer when they called the murder of 22-year-old actress Elizabeth Short the most notorious murder in California history. She was raped, tortured, and then murdered, but this wasn't the sickest part. Her face was cut from ear to ear in an eery grin or blood to mess with the cops' minds, and all of her internal organs were taken out of her body. Hartnett and Aaron Eckhart play the cops on the case, Scarlett Johannson plays Hartnett's girl, and Hilary Swank is a woman connected with the case because of her remarkable resemblence to the girl. Watch the trailer to soak up the style of the film.

Final Judgment: DO IT

There are a lot of messed up kids in Juvenile Hall in America. 120,000 kids go there every year, and 3/4 of them end up in prison later on down the line. GRIDIRON GANG is the true story of correction officer Sean Porter (played by The Rock), who in 1993 decided to start a football team in his facility to try and re-hab a group of kids. It worked out I guess, and they made a movie. I think this looks a lot better than INVINCIBLE, pretty much because of The Rock. He's actually not a bad actor, and made THE RUNDOWN a ton of fun, and BE COOL not completely devoid of fun (although it was still a crappy movie with him). While he's not the most badass actor of all-time (he smiles too much, and wrestling is the opposite of badass), he can hold his own.

Final Judgment: DO IT

Zach Braff was sullen in GARDEN STATE, but he was complemented by a great story and a beam-of-light performance by Natalie Portman. In THE LAST KISS (the title refers to marriage, and after which you won't be able to kiss another person again, innocently anyway) he just looks emo. And dull. And unbearable. He plays a 30-year-old engaged man who in the light of his parents' (Tom Wilkonson and Blythe Danner) divorce begins re-evaluating his life. He can either go with 'the perfect girl', a woman who he loves, a sexy, beautiful, smart woman that makes him laugh, or some other chick. Uhhhh, I know what I'd pick in about 2/5 of a second. Apparently it takes Braff 104 minutes and $20 million of Dreamworks' money to do it. Plus, it's written by Paul Hackis, pardon me, Haggis, now an Academy Award winner for CRASH. Whatever.

Final Judgment: SCREW IT

The last movie, EVERYONE'S HERO, only gets two sentences and no poster, it looks so bad. It's about a magic baseball bat or something, and it's the 10th CGI kids movie this year, and in all likelihood the 7th animated piece of shit.

Final Judgment: SCREW IT