GRINDHOUSE

**Written for the school paper**

This movie is 19 times better than this picture.

Grindhouses were theaters back in the 1970s and 1980s that showed low-quality, cheap movies featuring un-Godly amounts of sex, violence, and gore. Typically a grindhouse would show two films for the price of one: Usually a completely over-the-top film would be shown first, such as a take-over-the-world action movie, followed by a more tension-filled, down to earth slasher film.

This is exactly what directors Robert Rodriguez and Quentin Tarantino have brought to the table with their newest film, GRINDHOUSE. It’s a double-feature like you’ve never seen, with so-bad-it’s-awesome action, dialog, and characters, it’s sure to leave any movie lover in the best of moods. In Rodriguez’s PLANET TERROR, a gas has been unleashed that leaves the population of a hick town scrambling to survive a zombie takeover, and in Tarantino’s DEATH PROOF, a crazed driver with an obsession for blood terrorizes two groups of young women in his car, credited on the film’s poster as being “a white-hot juggernaut at 200 MPH!!!”. How can you not see something that cheesy-sounding?

I guess you do need some motivating to see this movie, though. It’s not enough that Rodriguez and Tarantino are responsible for such masterpieces as PULP FICTION, SIN CITY, KILL BILL, RESERVOIR DOGS, and FROM DUSK TILL DAWN. No, I guess not, considering Ice Cube’s ARE WE DONE YET? beat this piece of badass cinema out in the box office over the weekend. I guess I’ll just have to give you some reasons to see this beast.

1) There is a go-go dancer-turned stand-up comedian who has a machine gun for a leg.

2) Fergie (Fergalicious Fergie) gets her brains eaten. Yes, eaten.

3) There are trailers for movies that don’t actually exist, and they’re as funny and as awesome as GRINDHOUSE.

4) It has Kurt Russell and Rosario Dawson.

5) A stuntwoman rides on the hood of a car with only the support of a pair of belts. No wires. No CGI. Just two belts.

6) Said stuntwoman is the greatest woman to ever live, followed closely by Go-Go Dancer with Machine Gun leg.

7) The crazy driver’s name is Stuntman Mike. His first name is actually “Stuntman”, too.

8) The reason why SIN CITY and FROM DUSK TILL DAWN were so amazing was because they were so excessive. PLANET TERROR is 150,000 times more over-the-top.

8) DEATH PROOF features the same style of dialog that made PULP FICTION, RESERVOIR DOGS, and KILL BILL great.

9) The fake trailers are the funniest things I have seen since ANCHORMAN.

10) Everybody loves a good zombie movie. Everybody loves a good slasher movie.

Basically, if you don’t go out and see this movie, you don’t deserve to live. It's three hours of awesome, and one of the funnest times I've ever had at the movies. It’s really quite that simple. Seriously, why wouldn’t you want to see this?

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