I'm done trying to review summer movies!

I don't know what it is man. Maybe I'm on a hot streak. Maybe Hollywood is. I don't know what's going on anymore. Maybe I'm stuck in the coolest sequel-fueled dream ever. All I know for sure is that that going to the movies is fucking sweet. And it's hard to grade stuff and not sound like a peppy little schoolgirl (which, let's face it, I am anyways).

I just got back form LIVE FREE OR DIE HARD with a bunch of the guys, and rest assured, we all semen'd many a time out of pure Bruce Willis-surfing-on-top-of-a-fighter jet stimulation. It was incredibly over the top, funny (?!), smartly-written (??!!), with some truly cream-worthy action sequences (Willis drives a chick into a wall at 70 miles an hour and she just keeps truckin'!), and Justin Long was even good (no Mac plugs???!!!). I mean c'mon, Bruce Willis is 52 years old, divorced, and he made the Greatest Action Movie ever twenty years ago. Why sequelize it for a third time? I don't know, I don't care. All I know is that LIVE FREE OR DIE HARD is ri-dic-u-lous.

Seriously, though, that's the way it's been alllllllll summer. Shit, even FANTASIC FOUR 2 was acceptable (and pretty enjoyable if you're able to make fun of it and likely piss of people behind you). OCEAN'S THIRTEEN was seriously blissful, and somehow the most irreverent/self-aware and yet still focused of the trilogy (I think the Mexican segment may be the most genius-written piece of art that ultimately doesn't matter in history). PIRATES 3 was a mess but entertaining as hell, with some truly fantastic special effects and a pretty damn involving plot for a three hour epic. I've so far skipped EVAN ALMIGHTY and SPIDEY 3, but no regrets. I'll undoubtedly catch them both on DVD, anyway.

To go along nicely with the sequels and threequels that met expectations, there are the littler movies that exceeded them. I'll get 1408 out of the way so I can fully laud my baby (no pun intended). It was solid, a lot better-written and carried out than I thought it would be. John Cusack stars, and I think this may be his first movie since CON AIR and GROSSE POINT BLANK that I liked. It truly goes bizarro at points and I won't deny I was shaken up often. Solid movie.

And then there's the chewy nougat center at the heart of this delicious candy bar summer. It's name is KNOCKED UP.

It's gold. Pure gold. Seth Rogan and Judd Apatow made a really good movie in 2005 with THE 40-YEAR-OLD VIRGIN, but their new creation is a masterpiece. I can't think of a comedy that is written better than this, ever, and only a handful of romances (ETERNAL SUNSHINE, CASABLANCA, and not much else). If you don't know what it's about, here's a mini-synopsis: A lovable loser (Rogan) gets lucky with a newly promoted entertainment reporter (Katherine Heigl, remember the name) whose sister (Leslie Mann) is having problems with her awesome but kind of not-there husband (Paul Rudd), and the two end up pregnant (the first couple, not the married ones). They decide to keep it and try to stay together, but love's a messy thing as they come to find out, especially when it's pretty forced. This is the funniest movie I've seen in a long time, and its characters are vibrant, complex, and easy to like and empathize with, and there are scenes that will have you gasping for air out of laughter and then needing a tissue for cry. I didn't go ten seconds throughout the movie without laughing, smiling out of true happiness and contentness, or really, truly caring for the characters. There, now you know what it's about, GO SEE IT.

And it's now 1:45 in the morning, so BAH! to you, I'm going to bed.