"You ask for what would be worth killing for. Witness the biggest cover-up in human history."
About a year and a half ago rumors started flying around about bringing THE DA VINCI CODE, Dan Brown’s ludicrously popular recent novel, to the big screen. The book had been as controversial as any in the past half-century, and it was exceptionally entertaining as well. The news started trickling in about the cast a few weeks later, and I became extremely interested in the project. As it turns out, Tom Hanks, whose popularity I don’t have to delve into, was to play the lead role of Robert Langdon, alongside two of France’s most popular actors, Jean Reno and Audrey Tautou. It was to be directed by Ron Howard, who won a Best Director’s Oscar for 2001’s A BEAUTIFUL MIND, and would be penned by Akiva Goldsman, who won a Best Adapted Screenplay Oscar for bringing A BEAUTIFUL MIND to the screen. All the pieces were there to make a great movie, a controversial movie that could reach out and grab hold of the masses’ minds due to being based on the single most popular novel of its time. The fact that the film fails on almost every level is even more disappointing due to the years of buildup.
The plot is well-known by now, with the story starting with a bang. The curator of the Louvre Museum in Paris, Jacques Sauniere (Jean-Pierre Marielle), has been viciously murdered in one of the museum’s most famous rooms, where the Mona Lisa and the Madonna on the Rocks hang. Robert Langdon (Hanks), a Harvard professor of Cryptology and Symbology, is teaching at a seminar in Paris and has been called by the police to help in their investigation of the murder. It seems that Sauniere, who apparently “had about twenty minutes to die after being shot” has left clues to inform who his killer is. Langdon has been called in not only to try and crack the codes but because Sauniere wrote in his own blood on the floor to find Langdon. He is now the most wanted man in the world, and Captain Bezu Fache (Reno) of the Paris Police Department feels it is necessary to take every possible measure (legal or illegal) to find him. Langdon then escapes with the help of a French investigator named Sophie Neveu (Tautou), who was the granddaughter of Sauniere.
This is the point where the film falters. Where the novel hit the ground running and never stopped after Langdon and Neveu escaped the Louvre, Howard’s film feels the need to stumble on to the ground, run for a few minutes, and then spend ridiculously long stretches of time making historical monologues. Hanks may be the most disappointing part of the film, as he lists off these monologues without emotion and not trying very hard to cover up the fact that he knows these lines of the top of his head (that is what acting is, right?). His character has no back story other than that he fell into a well as a child and has been claustrophobic ever since, and this event is played back in a grainy, dreamlike memory sequence. Neveu isn’t given any justice either, with the only back story she receives being a few memories of how her parents died when she was young and how she went on to live with her grandfather for a time.
The biggest ray of light in the film comes when Langdon and Neveu reach the house of an old friend of his, an eccentric old man living in a magnificent French mansion named Leigh Teabing. Teabing is played by Sir Ian McKellen, who is the only one in the picture who shows any sign of life or emotion, and the only one involved who looks like he isn’t about to crumble under the pressure of being in the dullest adaptation of the greatest thriller in years. Teabing is a Holy Grail historian (The Grail is one of the central plot lines), who tries to help Langdon and Neveu figure out who murdered Sauniere and why he would leave such extravagant clues about a seemingly unbreakable code in his last minutes. If you don’t want to read one of the biggest controversies in history, please don’t read the rest of this paragraph. It seems that, according to Langdon and Teabing, that Jesus Christ was married to Mary Magdalene, and had a daughter. The Catholic church has covered this event up throughout history in fear of Jesus’ divinity being questioned and Catholicism possibly dying out. It is also believed by Teabing that the Holy Grail is not a cup or goblet as many people believe, but rather the sacred tomb of Mary Magdalene herself. This was the point of the book where my jaw dropped and my eyes grew wide. In the movie, though, this was the point where I was slapping my face to keep me awake. Langdon and Neveu look on at Teabing as he relates to them the biggest cover-up in history, and they do so with glazed-over eyes and a look on their face that says “Ohhhhh. Okay.”
A little life is then injected into the story as the albino monk (yes, an albino monk) who was assigned by the Vatican to kill Sauniere reaches Langdon and Neveu in order to kill them and destroy all information that could be used to exploit the Catholic church. He is promptly beaten up by Teabing however, who I have to say is about seventy years old and on crutches. Again, this part of the story was thrilling in the novel and kept its readers on the edge of their seat for pages, while the suspense is reduced to almost nothing in the film. There is a hint of action, and then Langdon and Teabing continue to throw historical monologues back and forth at each other while on the run, while Neveu sits back patiently and waits her turn to slap the murderer of her grandfather.
I won’t delve any further into the plot, because it does reach a climax, and a good one. However, I will say that the climax in the book will make one’s palms sweat, the hair on their back stand up, and their jaw drop. In the movie the only thing standing up will be the viewer trying to not fall asleep. Perhaps in my opening paragraph I criticized the movie too much. I said it fails on almost every level, which isn’t really true. It disappoints on every level. Where there was mass controversy in the books Howard has chosen to go with the controversial angle, but dumb it down a bit and take some of the edge off (the fact that the acting is wooden and there is no awe in anyone's eyes doesn’t help either). Where there was a romantic spark between Langdon and Neveu in the novel there is a kiss on the forehead and a hug. When there was gripping suspense at every turn of the page, there is boredom. It’s just very disappointing.
C
The plot is well-known by now, with the story starting with a bang. The curator of the Louvre Museum in Paris, Jacques Sauniere (Jean-Pierre Marielle), has been viciously murdered in one of the museum’s most famous rooms, where the Mona Lisa and the Madonna on the Rocks hang. Robert Langdon (Hanks), a Harvard professor of Cryptology and Symbology, is teaching at a seminar in Paris and has been called by the police to help in their investigation of the murder. It seems that Sauniere, who apparently “had about twenty minutes to die after being shot” has left clues to inform who his killer is. Langdon has been called in not only to try and crack the codes but because Sauniere wrote in his own blood on the floor to find Langdon. He is now the most wanted man in the world, and Captain Bezu Fache (Reno) of the Paris Police Department feels it is necessary to take every possible measure (legal or illegal) to find him. Langdon then escapes with the help of a French investigator named Sophie Neveu (Tautou), who was the granddaughter of Sauniere.
This is the point where the film falters. Where the novel hit the ground running and never stopped after Langdon and Neveu escaped the Louvre, Howard’s film feels the need to stumble on to the ground, run for a few minutes, and then spend ridiculously long stretches of time making historical monologues. Hanks may be the most disappointing part of the film, as he lists off these monologues without emotion and not trying very hard to cover up the fact that he knows these lines of the top of his head (that is what acting is, right?). His character has no back story other than that he fell into a well as a child and has been claustrophobic ever since, and this event is played back in a grainy, dreamlike memory sequence. Neveu isn’t given any justice either, with the only back story she receives being a few memories of how her parents died when she was young and how she went on to live with her grandfather for a time.
The biggest ray of light in the film comes when Langdon and Neveu reach the house of an old friend of his, an eccentric old man living in a magnificent French mansion named Leigh Teabing. Teabing is played by Sir Ian McKellen, who is the only one in the picture who shows any sign of life or emotion, and the only one involved who looks like he isn’t about to crumble under the pressure of being in the dullest adaptation of the greatest thriller in years. Teabing is a Holy Grail historian (The Grail is one of the central plot lines), who tries to help Langdon and Neveu figure out who murdered Sauniere and why he would leave such extravagant clues about a seemingly unbreakable code in his last minutes. If you don’t want to read one of the biggest controversies in history, please don’t read the rest of this paragraph. It seems that, according to Langdon and Teabing, that Jesus Christ was married to Mary Magdalene, and had a daughter. The Catholic church has covered this event up throughout history in fear of Jesus’ divinity being questioned and Catholicism possibly dying out. It is also believed by Teabing that the Holy Grail is not a cup or goblet as many people believe, but rather the sacred tomb of Mary Magdalene herself. This was the point of the book where my jaw dropped and my eyes grew wide. In the movie, though, this was the point where I was slapping my face to keep me awake. Langdon and Neveu look on at Teabing as he relates to them the biggest cover-up in history, and they do so with glazed-over eyes and a look on their face that says “Ohhhhh. Okay.”
A little life is then injected into the story as the albino monk (yes, an albino monk) who was assigned by the Vatican to kill Sauniere reaches Langdon and Neveu in order to kill them and destroy all information that could be used to exploit the Catholic church. He is promptly beaten up by Teabing however, who I have to say is about seventy years old and on crutches. Again, this part of the story was thrilling in the novel and kept its readers on the edge of their seat for pages, while the suspense is reduced to almost nothing in the film. There is a hint of action, and then Langdon and Teabing continue to throw historical monologues back and forth at each other while on the run, while Neveu sits back patiently and waits her turn to slap the murderer of her grandfather.
I won’t delve any further into the plot, because it does reach a climax, and a good one. However, I will say that the climax in the book will make one’s palms sweat, the hair on their back stand up, and their jaw drop. In the movie the only thing standing up will be the viewer trying to not fall asleep. Perhaps in my opening paragraph I criticized the movie too much. I said it fails on almost every level, which isn’t really true. It disappoints on every level. Where there was mass controversy in the books Howard has chosen to go with the controversial angle, but dumb it down a bit and take some of the edge off (the fact that the acting is wooden and there is no awe in anyone's eyes doesn’t help either). Where there was a romantic spark between Langdon and Neveu in the novel there is a kiss on the forehead and a hug. When there was gripping suspense at every turn of the page, there is boredom. It’s just very disappointing.
C
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