PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: DEAD MAN'S CHEST

"I've Got a Jar of Dirt!"


When Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl came out in the summer 0f 2003, it was a completely unexpected hit. It costed over $140 million to produce, so it doesn’t seem like much of a surprise to think that it would more than quadruple that in worldwide receipts. When it came out, however, almost everyone expected it to be a bust. It’s headlining star was Johnny Depp, who had never been a box office draw and usually avoided large-scale projects. He sported mascara, and fluffy, goofy costumes in a flamboyant, feminine “hero” performance. The story was a period piece, which usually suffer, and it was about pirates, another lackluster genre. When one adds all of these factors up, it would seem that Pirates would be a bust, both commercially and artistically.

The reasons why Curse should have been bad turned out to be the reason why it was great. Depp brought an odd, corky approach to his character, and was rewarded with a much-deserved Academy Award nomination. He turned Jack Sparrow into a household name, the name that the marketing campaign for Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest was built around.

“Captain Jack is Back” has been the slogan for the mega-sequel. Along for the ride again is Keira Knightley and Orlando Bloom as Elizabeth Swann and William Turner. The film starts off with a shot of Elizabeth thinking quietly on her own on the morning of her wedding. She gets an unexpected surprise when Will turns up in shackles, accompanied by Her Majesty’s army. A deal is made to release both of them; if they retrieve a compass in the company of Jack Sparrow, then they are free to go, and he will receive a full pardon.

Jack himself is in a lot of trouble, the audience soon finds out. It seems that he owes Davy Jones (played by Bill Nighy, in the same motion-capture process Andy Serkis underwent in The Lord of the Rings and King Kong) his soul, unless he retrieves the Dead Man’s Chest for him. I am thinking now though that I am wrong. I could be completely as far from the truth as possible actually. I suppose this is the right time to point out I didn’t have much of a clue as to what was happening for most of the movie, other than the bare basics.

Here inlies Dead Man’s Chest’s problem: it is far too ambitious for its own good and bites off way more than it can chew. It wasn’t much of a surprise to me that screenwriters Terry Rossio and Ted Elliot got cocky after the monumental and unexpected success that Curse of the Black Pearl had. This film introduces too many characters as well as bringing back characters that were unneeded, and suffers from spreading too small an amount of subject matter to all of these characters and turning the film into a bloated 150-minute mess that could have easily been a half hour less.

The reason I loved the original was because of its originality, really, along with being absolutely first-rate entertainment. It was over-the-top to be sure, but every moment was fun from the beginning to the end, while this isn’t. The corkiness and comedic moments that made the screenplay so sharp and the performance by Johnny Depp so amazing in the original are gone, they simply aren’t present. During one of the last of the far too many sword fights, a thought crept through my head that I honestly had not want to think off; ‘this movie is annoying’.

While I didn’t like Dead Man’s Chest, it wasn’t bad enough to hate. I was disappointed. It isn’t bad enough to hate, but its nowhere close to being good, especially when the source material is considered. Oh well. The third will be coming out next summer, and I do have to admit that the ending to this film made me anxious to see Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End.

C-

CARS

"Holy Porsche..."

Over the past twelve years the moviemaking team at Pixar has wowed us. Each movie they make is an innovation in itself, from the very beginning with Toy Story. What has separated Pixar from the rest of the CGI-animation field is their insistence on always telling a poignant, meaningful story. No matter how incredible the visuals are (and they are always great), the characters and the emotions they feel are the most important piece in a Pixar animation studio.

Pixar VP John Lasseter directs Cars, Pixar’s seventh film. Ever since he was a child spending time in his father’s auto shop, Lasseter has wanted to tell a story about his passion for cars. This may be his opus. Cars is a typical Pixar film, a heartfelt story wrapped in industry-expanding visuals.

The film opens up with the rev of engines and the roar of a crowd. Lightning McQueen, as voiced by Owen Wilson, is a rookie race car on the Piston Cup circuit, the most prestigious of all tournaments in a world inhabited by automobiles. This in itself may be the biggest gamble for the film; a premise involving no actual living creatures. Where there have been people, bugs, fish, or monsters in our closets, Pixar has always had a story featuring animated beings, whereas there are none in Cars. The characters are more than relatable however. McQueen is a selfish car who wants nothing more than to have his glory by being the first rookie in history to win the Piston Cup series and have a corporate sponsor.

On his way to California McQueen takes a series of wrong turns and ends up in a town that civilization has seemingly forsaken. The setting is Radiator Springs, a town that used to lie on Route 66, but has been all but abandoned since the creation of the interstate. There are few inhabitants now; the crusty old Hudson Hawk (Paul Newman) who runs the town, the lovable tow truck (Larry the Cable Guy), and the Porsche who fell in love with the town (Bonnie Hunt), among others. Life is simple in the town. There is little action, and even less cars traveling through. The scenery is gorgeous to look at, but inspires a constant feeling of lives forgotten: nearly every neon sign on every business shop has been permanently shut off, and ‘closed’ signs litter the windows.

The arrival of McQueen to Radiator Springs is in itself big news. He first appears to the town by tearing up the road, and then wants to leave in a hurry without even a good-bye. The townsfolk don’t know which is more surprising, a race car showing up on their door, or the car being as selfish as it is. “Don’t you know who I am? I’m Lightning McQueen! I’m the fastest race car on the Piston Cup Circuit!!!! You have to let me go!” McQueen is then forced to repair the road before leaving, quite against his will.

What is an ordinary and cliché story is then told. McQueen finds the true meaning of life, and develops friendships, something he has never had before. He even manages to catch the eye of the local girl. He learns of the pain that the town has experienced over the years, but also of the camaraderie that has formed between the townsfolk.

There is no denying that this is a very average story that has been done before. What separates Cars from other films is that the message is genuine, and that it has an opportunity to affect people, children and adults alike. The characters are all well-developed, and the voice acting is phenomenal. The film is also the most tongue-in-cheek of Pixar’s films, mixing in real world people into lifelike roles (Bob Costas is an announcer, Richard Petty is the wise old champion driver, and McQueen makes an appearance on the Jay Limo show).

As in all Pixar films, the animation is better than its predecessor’s. The attention to detail is so incredible and so keen that it often looks as if the cars are real (minus the talking). The animators have made each character their own person (their own car?) due to facial personality and how they look overall (the lovable hick is a rusty tow truck, the wise old man is a Hudson Hawk).

The depth and meaning in Cars is unquestionable, as unoriginal as it may be. The message is meaningful, the voice performances are terrific, the screenplay is both touching and hilarious, and the animation is superior to any other CGI film ever made. Pardon the pun, but Cars is a winning ride.

A

RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK

"But why does there have to be snakes?!"

Being sixteen years old, I wasn't around when Raiders of the Lost Ark was released. I know thought that it has been in circulation for nearly twenty-five years, and in another twenty-five years it will still hold the reputation as the best adventure ever made.

There is something timeless about Raiders. It could be its all-American hero, a dashing, good-looking, fearless man's man who does anything it takes to save the world and get the girl. It could be the rousing soundtrack that never ages and always inspires excitement. It could be how Steven Spielberg and George Lucas set their tale in a period where there was still some mystery in the world, still a sense of wonder and awe, when it was not completely implausible to believe a story as epic and wild as Raiders’.

Whatever element of combination of these elements are the correct answer, they mesh together to make perhaps the greatest adventure film ever made. There is nothing more American than a fun, action-packed adventure in which the hero gets the girl, and Raiders of the Lost Ark is the model to which all other films similar to it are compared. There has never been a more thrilling hero on-screen than Indiana Jones, and nobody could play him with the swagger, confidence, and cunning that Harrison Ford does. From the first time we see him in Raiders until he rides away on horseback in The Last Crusade, his presence is electrifying.

One can not review this film without speaking about its director. Many argue that Steven Spielberg is the greatest director to ever make film, and I for one don’t disagree. It is a testament to this film to say that it is his masterpiece, a piece of direction so fluid and so assured it is no wonder that one of the most timeless, acclaimed films of all-time was the result.

A+

YOU, ME & DUPREE

“Dupree’s gotta go. But he candle handle himself, he’s a grown man. Right?”

You, Me & Dupree is a concept that could have gone in several directions, and did. Mike LeSiur probably wrote the screenplay in the mindset that it would be a comedy, and for much of the running time, it is. The direction of the film shifts back and forth from slapstick comedy to romantic dramedy far too often for its own good, and neither of the two styles are executed very well.

The story is pretty simple. A couple of newlyweds named Carl and Molly (Matt Dillon and Kate Hudson) take in Dupree (Owen Wilson), who was Carl’s man of honor, to live with them. It seems that Dupree was recently fired and kicked out of his apartment. “It’ll only be for a few days, just until he gets on his feet” reasons Carl.

Of course, almost everything that could go wrong, does go wrong.

Some of the situations that happen in Dupree are seriously funny. It is when the movie slows down and tries to grow a heart and shove a message down its audience’s throat as it ends. The film was billed during its marketing process as a comedy, and it is in its comedic moments that it shines. Particularly, it is when Owen Wilson is given free reigns to flex his comedic muscles that the film is at its best, but when the directors unconfidently try to infuse a sappy storyline into the film that it falters (sorry if I’m being a bit redundant).

Another aspect that hurt Dupree’s potential to be a smooth, terrific comedy is seemingly any time when Carl and Molly are on screen together. From the beginning of their marriage a lot of things go wrong, and it is usually Carl’s fault. Carl feels it is all due to either Dupree, who is becoming a menace who happens to sleep on his couch, or Molly’s father Thompson, as played by Michael Douglas, who happens to be Carl’s boss. The bickering that goes on between Carl and Molly and Carl and Thompson doesn’t emphasize the drama, it comes off as bickering usually does in the real world; annoying and time-wasting.

I cannot applaud Owen Wilson enough for this movie however. His part is shaky, a role that at first glance is that of a childish thirty-five year old, but turns into an inspirational man (literally), and back again. He is hilarious throughout, showing off charisma and a comedic gift that is being visibily honed through years of experience. He is also surprisingly poignant in scenes where the dramatic writing does not reach the level in which he plays them. He also picks up the slack for Dillon, Hudson, and Douglas (all of whom have been nominated for Academy Awards, it seems appropriate to add).

C+

CLICK

"Family... Always comes first..."

I enjoy some of what Adam Sandler does. Some. He was hilarious as the new kid on the block on “Saturday Night Live”, and his success continued playing characters who were really just outgrown kids, such as Happy Gilmore and Billy Madison. The roles weren’t anything special, but it was hilarious to watch because of how Sandler molded them so suit his style of physical comedy.

Fast-forward ten years or so later to Click. Sandler is pushing forty years old and still trying to use the same gimmicks (and yes, that’s all they are, gimmicks) to force laughs out of his audiences from pure stupidity and crassness. He plays Michael Newman, an architect struggling to balance his work life, in which he is ascending the corporate ladder, with his home life, in which his wife Donna (Kate Beckinsale) and his two children Ben and Samantha love him.

Sorry for making this review almost solely about Sandler, but that is what this movie really is, a vehicle for Sandler to try to broaden his acting abilities. He is given a character that the audience would easily be able to care for, but it is as if he almost doesn’t want to break out of the normal, comfortable, manic man-child approach. His character is supposed to be a good man completely and unfairly bogged down by work, therefore he suffers because he spends less time with his family. Michael doesn’t exactly look like he is suffering though, especially when the kid neighbor comes knocking. The kid is written as an asshole, and is, but Michael is an even bigger one back to him. Consider when the kid is showing off his new ‘robodog’ to Michael’s children, rubbing in how his toy is better than their dog. I’m not sure whose idea it was to get some cheap laughs out of the audience by having Michael run the dog over, be it screenwriters Steve Koren and Mark O’Keefe or Sandler. My feeling is it was Sandler’s, who knows his maniacal man-child antics are a good way to get laughs out of teenagers, rather than the screenwriters, who I believed were really trying to construct a character the audience could empathize with.

The story takes a radical turn when Michael is shopping for a universal remote control to make his life simpler, and finds a wacky old coot named Morty (Christopher Walken, who is the best part of the movie by far with his hilarious, albeit too short, performance) in the back of a Bed, Bath, and Beyond store (this is in the “Way Beyond” section of the store). Where Michael wanted a remote to control his TV and stereo, Morty gives him one that controls life. It rewinds, fast forwards, pauses, mutes, and replays life (commentary included).

After a turn like this in a movie, the possibilities are endless. It occurred to me Michael could do anything with a device like this, but he really doesn’t. He doesn’t treat his wife and kids much better, and he doesn’t get much more work done (these are the only two things that have any amount of importance in his life). Playing second-bill to Sandler is Kate Beckinsale, who has no fun in her role. She walks around in underwear for most of the movie, and while I didn’t mind watching it while it was happening, it didn’t serve any purpose to the story in retrospect. In Kate’s fairness, her character is a true bore, a woman who forgives her husband for anything as long as he apologizes (sometimes he doesn’t even have to), meanwhile she is being emotionally abused by having a husband that leaves her and her children in the dust far too often.

Another turn in the movie comes when the remote begins to control life on its own terms. Morty explains that the remote picks up whatever it believes is Michael’s preferences, such as working for a promotion, fighting, foreplay, showers, and traffic, among others. It simply keeps fast-forwarding through these times for as long as the period lasts. These periods become longer and longer, eventually turning into years upon years. Michael gets to see himself as he will be in another thirty years: divorced, fat, and depressed, with few emotional connections left in his life. This is where the movie takes a step up from its trite, awful comedic beginning. Sadly though, it isn’t a big step. Again Sandler takes an opportunity to play a character dramatically and reverts to his stupid philosophy that being retarded will make people laugh. When he finds out that he has just recovered from a heart attack and a liposuction procedure, he plays with his fat rolls instead of listening to his wife.

This film has been compared recently to Frank Capra and Jimmy Stewart’s It’s a Wonderful Life because of its end-message that life should be treated as something special, and that it should never be wasted or thrown away. In my opinion, that’s a kick to the groin of Life. If I were to compare the two, I’d say Click is like It’s a Wonderful Life, but with a man-child laugh-whore instead of Jimmy Stewart, without memorable characters, with fart jokes, and a message that doesn’t contain nearly as much relevance and comes off as forced and pathetic. If you want to see a heartfelt movie with the core message, but not surrounded by Adam Sandler’s ego and fart jokes, watch Cars.

D+

16 BLOCKS

"Days change, seasons change, people don't change."

Bruce Willis is good at playing cops, assasins, government agents, and most other jobs requiring guns. He’s really been playing the same part with slight modifications ever since Die Hard came out in 1988 and won him universal praise. Honestly, that’s why I didn’t mind too much that 16 Blocks was just another completely generic cop film with a few twists and turns thrown in the mix.

Willis actually shakes up his gig this time around, playing alcoholic cop Jack Mosley, who has a gimpy leg and no friends, save for his ex-partner Frank Nugent (David Morse). Mosley is thrown a relatively meaningless task of transporting street-hustler Eddie Bunker (a pretty damn annoying Mos Def, who sports a whiny tone that did nothing for the character or for me) 16 blocks to the courthouse for hearing. Things of course go wrong though, when Mosley stops at a corner shop to buy a bottle and walks out to see a gun being pointed in his boy’s face. He does what every one of his characters would have done, kills the bad guy, grabs the boy, and runs for cover (that may be something new actually).

Things start getting even worse when Frank, who we know as Jack’s ex-partner, reveals that he is in on it. “A lot of bad will come out of this if the kid lives” he reasons with Jack. Although this movie is about crooked cops and what they can do, it never gets dark enough to be great, and is never happy enough to really be enjoyable.

Jack and Eddie take off, trying desperately to just make it to the courthouse sanctuary. They have to stay off the police scanner because really, who knows who else is in on the action? It occured (a lot) that they could have grabbed a cab and suffered the few dollars it costs instead of vying for the nine-millimeter-exchanges, but then I guess the 100-minute running time would have to be cut down even more. It is interesting how the time actually is passed. This is no doubt an action movie, but it spends more time than I would have predicted it would in investigating the lives and backgrounds of Jack and Eddie. This really isn’t the same old cop role for Willis, who has gained weight and has the face of an alcoholic in this; dark, sad, and with empty eyes miserably searching for the next bottle to drink. Eddie has been convicted before but knows he is innocent in this instance, and promises to use this turn of events as a reason to live a better life.

While this approach, of spending more time than the basic cop movie exploring the characters, is admirable, it really isn’t good. The background stories are dull and really come at the wrong times, and impair the timing of the action sequences. Because of this, as well as the story not involving enough darkness or meaning to hit hard, the film lacks a point. It doesn’t hurt to watch Bruce Willis in another action flick though.

C

SUPERMAN RETURNS

“You wrote that the world doesn't need a saviour, but every day I hear people crying for one.”

When one looks at the work, frustration, manpower, and most importantly money involved in the making of Superman Returns, it is really an eye-opener. Whether they like it or not, Warner Bros. spent more than $300 million bringing the greatest superhero to the big screen, with the project starting in the early nineties. Nic Cage was slated to play the man in the tights. Tim Burton would direct. There was even a time period in which a script penned by Kevin Smith was green-lit for the project, but that idea crashed as well. At the end of the day Bryan Singer, the architect behind the first two X-Men movies, ended up in the director’s chair. He knew he had his work cut out for him, and it is fair to say that he chose to leave a ‘safe project’ in the final X-Men installment for the movie he has always wanted to make. Nearly everyone in the world knows about the film, and many know how much money and how many careers are at stake due to this project.

These are stupendous, collosal odds. Bryan Singer has stared them down and given us the greatest superhero movie of the comic book era. He nailed it.

Superman Returns takes place five years after the events occuring in Richard Donner’s Superman II. Superman has been absent in this time, looking for his home planet Krypton after scientists discovered remnants of the planet in space. He calls what he found in space a “graveyard”. What he finds returning to Earth can’t be considered much better to him. The world he returns to is now a post-9/11 mess, in which one can surf the channels on TV and find bombings, hurricanes, murders, and nightmare scenarios and shrug them off, as they are everyday occurences now. Since he has left the world has forsaken him. The lowest blow comes when he sees that Lois Lane is now engaged, has a son (who may or may not be Superman’s), and won a Pulitzer Prize for her article titled “Why the World Doesn’t Need Superman”.

Brandon Routh is following in Christopher Reeve’s footsteps, playing the Man of Steel with a very limited-known filmography before. He plays Superman as well as Clark Kent better than anyone is giving him credit for, to my delight. As Clark Kent he bumbles around, stutters, stumbles, and is gawky, but loveable. We all know though that Clark Kent is simply an act, an act used to fool people that he is not a charasmatic superhero who can fly faster than a speeding bullet. AS Superman Routh excels as well. Many people have knocked his performance, saying that it is too much like Christopher Reeve’s iconic take from the 1970s. It is, but for a reason. Routh nails every facial expression, hair wave, flexed muscle, every single motion that Reeve made in his films because Superman Returns is a continuation of the series. This should not be an original performance.

Stepping into Gene Hackman’s boots as Lex Luthor is Kevin Spacey, who you may remember has had previous success with Bryan Singer (winning an Academy Award in The Usual Suspects). Spacey is an intelligent actor, and understands the character well. He realizes that Lex knows he plays second fiddle to Superman, and hates it. He is selfish and will capitalize on any oppurtunity to advance himself, as seen in the opening scene. An old woman lies on her death bed, and thanks a man for ‘giving her the greatest pleasure of her life’. We realize the man is Lex, who promply removes his wedding ring, tosses it into a glass, and leaves the mansion (which he has now inherited) with his minions. This moment defines Lex: he is smart, capable, and gets what he wants (most of the time).

Lex’s master plan is to steal crystals from Superman’s Fort of Solitude and build a new continent with them. This is where Superman and Lexs’ paths cross (sadly they only share one scene). Superman is as surprised as anyone to find this out, for when he left Earth five years ago Lex was to be sent to prison. It’s funny how the justice system works, even against mad scientists/bad guys.

While the main story for Superman Returns is an oppurtunity for impressive special effects (and they are very impressive), and they are used, it is not an action movie. This is a great drama. At its core the movie is about the necessity for good in the world. After Superman left, the Lois Lane and the rest of the world thought they could manage on their own without the Man of Steel. But alas, Superman is disheartened to return to a post-9/11 Earth dominated by fear, doubt, anger, and paranoia. It is a great social commentary, as well as a great story abut Superman.

As Lois Lane Kate Bosworth takes an oppurtunity for stardom and originality and relishes in it. Her performance as Lane will not win her many awards, but it is a breath of fresh air. The character is spunky, independent, and wants Superman to know it. Or is she? Is she just trying to deny her feelings, as well as the possibility that he is the father of her son? She is engaged to a good man, but refuses to set a date for the wedding.

Clark Kent is as tortured as Lois, if not more. He has nearly unstoppable powers, and saves the world routinely, but can not confide in anyone. His birthparents are dead, as well as everyone else from his home planet. He has two personalities, one who loves Lois, while Lois loves the other. At its heart this film is about Superman’s emotional dilemma, about a man who saves a world that doesn’t want to be saved, and loves a woman who he can have but at the same time can not.

This is Bryan Singer’s crowning opus of superheros. If the X-Men films were the warm-up runs, Superman Returns is the marathon. It is an epic, lush, gorgeous romance that blew me away in every frame.

A

KISS KISS, BANG BANG

"Perry: Look up idiot in the dictionary. You know what you'll find?

Harry: A picture of me?

Perry: No! The definition of idiot. Which you fucking are!"

Sometimes a film comes along and hits you in the face, it is just so good and so unexpected. For me, KISS KISS, BANG BANG was one of those films. It is a movie so brash, so full of itself, and frankly, so gutsy I couldn’t help but love it.

The film stars Robert Downey Jr (in the role that deserves to put him back on the A-list) as petty thief Harry Lockhart in New York who gets caught up in the movie business. Through a series of lucky draws, close calls, and misunderstandings he lands a role as a detective, and receives lessons from real-life private eye Gay Perry (Val Kilmer). Consider Gay a 21st century upgrade of Sam Spade, a gumshoe detective who looks out for himself, is an asshole, and can talk quickly very well. Gay is also, not coincidentally, gay.

KISS KISS, BANG BANG is Shane Black’s directorial debut, but you would never think so while watching it. He has been in the movie industry for almost twenty years, penning all four of the LETHAL WEAPON movies, and his experience shows. Black is able to pile on sub-plot on top of sub-plot mixing with the major plot, throwing characters in and just as quickly throwing them off without missing a beat.

One of the most important of these subplots is Harry meeting up with his his high school sweetheart Harmony (Michelle Monaghan), now a 34-year-old failed actress. I suppose high school sweetheart would not be the best way to put their relationship, now that I think of it. “I was the one she confided all her secrets with in high school, while she went and fucked every other guy in sight” Harry tells the audience through narration. The narration in this film is perhaps the most entertaining part. I laughed harder at what Harry was thinking throughout the film than I did at any other movie in a long time. Black effortlessly mixes important plot points and frivolous information through the narrative, which Downey Jr. spits out at if it really is his mind thinking, with stutters, mix-ups, rewinding, pausing, and analyzing.

At the end of the movie everything is tied together (almost everything, anyway) and the last scene is executed perfectly in the same witty, sardonic, and hilarious tone that the rest of the movie plays at. “Don't worry, I saw THE LORD OF THE RINGS. I'm not going to end this 17 times” Harry remarks. How great is that?

A